Hope Recovery Center

Last week I had the opportunity to attend a fundraiser where Pam Tebow, mother of Heisman Trophy winner and University of Florida standout football player Tim Tebow, spoke. She is a tireless pro-life advocate and truly shares a message of life through her own story. At one point she made reference to the "God prints" we all have on our lives. It made me think of my own two sons. While I am thankful for them every day, for some reason on this night it struck me that but for God's grace and mercy, neither of them would be here today. I have already shared the struggles that my oldest son, JT encountered at birth. The story of my second son, Jimmie, is just as amazing - if not as dramatic. Shortly after we moved to Jackson, MS I discovered I was pregnant with our second child. JT was not even two years old, and this was not planned. I was excited, but also fearful since we had had such a hard time with JT. It was not an opportune time for a pregnancy in our lives, but we were both excited. When we went for our first appointment with the doctor, however, we learned that something was wrong. The doctor told us that this was not a viable pregnancy, and that I would most likely mis-carry the baby over the next day or so. He encouraged me to go home and take it easy for a couple of days and come back to see him. When I did, he confirmed that I had in fact had a miscarriage and that a DNC would be necessary. I was 40 years old, had given birth to a premature baby and had now mis-carried a child. He asked if I would like for him to tie my tubes when he went in to do the DNC. Joey and I talked about it and felt that this was the best thing to do. When I went in the following morning for the procedure, the doctor informed me that my insurance refused to pay for me to have my tubes tied. I worked for a Catholic hospital system at the time, and my insurance was through them. This went against their beliefs, and so they would not agree to pay. I was frustrated, but there was nothing I could do. In sharing about this a few days later with a friend, she reminded me that God had a plan and that she believed God intended for me to have another child. I assured her that this was indeed not God's plan. We laughed about it, but she told me that she was going to pray that I had another child. About a year later, my life was in shambles. Joey had just told me that he was addicted to crack cocaine and our lives in general were just a mess. When I discovered I was pregnant again, I couldn't believe it! I was furious with God. "How in this world could you think this was a good idea?" I asked. I didn't tell anyone for a week or so. I was just certain that there had been some sort of mistake, and that maybe it would just go away - that it was a terrible dream. Finally, I called my doctor and told him that I was pregnant and that I was NOT going to have this baby. I told him that I knew abortion was wrong, but that I didn't care. There was no way I could deal with a two year old baby and a drug addict husband on top of an infant. I will be forever grateful for his very calm and understanding response. He told me to just come in and talk with him. He reminded me that my chances of being pregnant were not very high in the first place, and to just come into the office, let him run a few tests and see where we were. When I arrived at his office, I reminded him again of all that was going on in my life and that I did not need him to talk me out of this decision - that I could not and would not give birth to this child. I knew that my doctor was a Christian so I don't know why I was surprised that he knew exactly what to do. Even though it was still very early in the pregnancy, he did a sonogram. As soon as I saw the little butter bean that would be my son, my heart melted. I began to cry when I even thought that I could have done anything to harm him. I didn't know how I was going to do it, and I still didn't know what God's plan was, but I knew this was my child and that I loved him. I went straight home and called my friend that had been praying that I would have another child. "I hope you're happy", I told her. "Your prayers have been answered!" Our lives got much worse during the course of my pregnancy. Joey went into a residential treatment facility, then came out and relapsed within a month. He was with me when Jimmie was born, but disappeared almost immediately following his birth and was gone for several days. I knew that I was going to raise my boys alone, and although I wasn't sure how - I knew God would get me through it. It is so hard for me to imagine those days now. God is so much greater than anything we can hope or imagine and His plans truly are perfect. My precious Jimmie is four years old now. His dimpled cheeks and bright blue eyes light up our lives every day, and we are so thankful that he is ours!
I thank God every day for my boys - all three of them. I thank Him for the wonder that they are and the miracle that each one is in my life.