During the time that Joey was away, I stumbled upon a tape series of a Biblical based stress management seminar. My sister had sent me the tapes years earlier, and I remembered how good I thought they were at the time. I figured now was as good a time as any to revisit them. The premise of the series is that "The people in life, the places in life and the circumstances in life do not make me the way that I am, but reveal the way that I am". This is not the last time that God would have to show me that I had no control over Joey's actions. I could only control the way in which I responded to them. I could choose to let God take control of my life and in so doing respond in the way that He would have me to respond - with the fruits of the spirit. Or, I could continue to try to handle things on my own and in so doing become eaten up with bitterness, anger, and other destructive emotions. Let me tell you that this all sounded good, but I did not succeed at this approach right away. Even though God had shown me the peace that He could provide, even though He had guided my path and placed angels in my life over the initial days that Joey was gone - with every day that I didn't know where he was, I became more and more angry - more and more frustrated. I prayed "Lord, you know I can handle anything you send my way as long as I know what I'm dealing with." What I learned was that God was trying to tell me that I didn't have to know what I was dealing with in order for Him to take control and in order for Him to give me the peace and comfort that I was craving. I began to claim 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. I began to say "Lord, you promised you would comfort me in all trouble. I'm in trouble here Lord and I need your comfort." The Sunday after Joey left, my mother and I went to church. The subject of the sermon was on the Beatitudes. I don't even remember a lot about the sermon, but the preacher had put the list of Beatitudes from The Message on the screen. I didn't even realize at first that it was the Beatitudes, but I felt like though words were placed there just for me.
YOU'RE BLESSED
You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
You're blessed when you're content with just who you are - no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud ownders of everything that can't be bought.
You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetitie for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.
You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being "care-full", you find yourselves cared for.
You're blessed when you get your inside world - your mind and heart- put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.
You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.
Not only that - count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out to speak les about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens - give a cheer, even! for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.
I began then to pray that I would continue to love Joey. I prayed that God would protect him wherever he was. At that point, I didn't pray that God would bring him home.
Continued
Another event God used to teach me the lesson that I have no control over the circumstances in my life came on my third wedding anniversary. We had moved to Jackson in 2005 and were living in a small apartment. We had rented a nice house, and were making plans to move over the weekend of our anniversary. Joey was working at a local car dealership and I was working for a non-profit organization. We were attending First Baptist Church and I had been able to get JT in a childcare center run by a good friend. I thought life was pretty good. On the morning of June 16th, Joey drove me to work because his car was in the repair shop. I saw him during lunch, and then my niece was going to drop me by the dealership after work to pick up my car. When we arrived at the dealership, I was told that they hadn't seen Joey since lunch. I was obviously concerned, and began to make a few calls. I talked to a friend of ours who lived near our house and learned that he had dropped my car off there and told her I would come by to pick it up. She said he left with a guy in a white pick up truck. She assumed it was work related, and didn't ask any questions. When I got home, I discovered, that he had obviously taken enough clothes, etc with him to be gone for a while. I couldn't imagine what was wrong. Joey had done odd things before, but never quite like this. I was broken-hearted, confused, hurt and scared. I didn't feel like I had anywhere to turn. I clung to my 18 month old son, and finally put him down in his bed. I had tried not to cry in front of him, so with him asleep in his bed, I cried. At some point while I was crying, I lay down on the floor of my bedroom. I finally lifted my head and cried out to God. I asked him to take Joey, because I couldn't handle this anymore. A calmness came over me like I had never experienced. I'm not sure I have even experienced exactly the same thing since. I got up, walked into my baby's room and kissed him on his tiny forehead. I went back into my room, lay down on the bed and went to sleep. I don't mean a fitfull sleep. I mean a hard, dreamless sleep. I couldn't believe it when I opened my eyes and it was light outside. I felt rested and ready to face whatever the day had in store. There were many decisions to be made and far too many unknowns as well.
My mother would be arriving soon- she had planned to come to help us move.
I had called my niece the night before and told her everything I knew at that moment. We didn't want to upset my mother before driving to Jackson, so we devised a plan for Mother to go to Cyndi's office first. There Cyndi told her what had happened. My mother is a woman of great strength. When she walked in my apartment, she was ready for action. I was still bewildered by what had happened. This was not typical of the way Joey had disappeared before, so I wasn't sure what to expect. I took JT to his chilcare center, with strict orders that if Joey came to get him, he was not to go with him. We then went to see the gentleman from whom we rented the house. I explained to him what had happened, and that with this uncertainty in my life, I didn't see how I could commit to a lease that was more than double what we were currently paying. I would later see God's hand at every turn that day. The gentleman I had planned to lease the house from didn't have to let me out of my lease. He certainly didn't have to return the money I had given him for a deposit, but he did both. He was a Christian, and told me that he viewed his business as a ministry. He said that if he had anything less expensive that was available, he would just transfer my lease, but he didn't. My current apartment had already been leased to someone else, so I would have to find a new place to live. My mother and I began to search. We looked through the newspaper and went to several apartment complexes in town. We found a few that would do, but nothing that I felt good about. It was getting dark and I was becoming discouraged. I noticed an ad in the newspaper that said very little except for 3BR house in North Jackson. I didn't have much hope that this was something I would be interested in, but I called the number anyway. A man answered the phone and began to tell me where the house was. He told me the location of the house and suggested I drive by. He said if we liked what we saw, he could show it to us the following morning. We drove by, and I couldn't believe my eyes. It was a wonderful little bungalow located in the middle of one of the most affluent neighborhoods in Jackson. When we saw the house the next day, I knew the house was a real find. When I looked into the backyard, there was a large tree with a large low-hanging branch that was perfect for JT's swing. I began to cry and knew that God had provided us with this house. The man explained that he was a retired architect and had built this house for his daughter. She had moved away, but didn't want to get rid of the house. The previous tenants had just moved out, and he wanted to do some work on the house before we moved in. We explained my circumstances, so he allowed us to go ahead and move in the next day.
The next issue we had to face was how was I going to move without any help? I called a good friend who was a realtor and asked if she knew anyone I might hire to help me. She said that her housekeeper's boyfriend was standing right beside her and she would check with him. He agreed to come and to get a friend to help him. The next morning, this big guy with a big grin rang my doorbell. He said he had not been able to find a helper, but that we would get through it. I'm sure she had shared with him what was going on in my life, but he just hugged me and said "We'll just take this slow and easy. With God's help we'll get it done". To this day, I know God gave me the strength to move heavy antique furniture from my two story apartment with this kind man. He was truly just one of the many angels God sent to help me in those few days. The house turned out to be a perfect little spot for us. The children had lots of room to play and we were blessed with kind and loving neighbors that helped us out, and loved us.
My mother would be arriving soon- she had planned to come to help us move.
I had called my niece the night before and told her everything I knew at that moment. We didn't want to upset my mother before driving to Jackson, so we devised a plan for Mother to go to Cyndi's office first. There Cyndi told her what had happened. My mother is a woman of great strength. When she walked in my apartment, she was ready for action. I was still bewildered by what had happened. This was not typical of the way Joey had disappeared before, so I wasn't sure what to expect. I took JT to his chilcare center, with strict orders that if Joey came to get him, he was not to go with him. We then went to see the gentleman from whom we rented the house. I explained to him what had happened, and that with this uncertainty in my life, I didn't see how I could commit to a lease that was more than double what we were currently paying. I would later see God's hand at every turn that day. The gentleman I had planned to lease the house from didn't have to let me out of my lease. He certainly didn't have to return the money I had given him for a deposit, but he did both. He was a Christian, and told me that he viewed his business as a ministry. He said that if he had anything less expensive that was available, he would just transfer my lease, but he didn't. My current apartment had already been leased to someone else, so I would have to find a new place to live. My mother and I began to search. We looked through the newspaper and went to several apartment complexes in town. We found a few that would do, but nothing that I felt good about. It was getting dark and I was becoming discouraged. I noticed an ad in the newspaper that said very little except for 3BR house in North Jackson. I didn't have much hope that this was something I would be interested in, but I called the number anyway. A man answered the phone and began to tell me where the house was. He told me the location of the house and suggested I drive by. He said if we liked what we saw, he could show it to us the following morning. We drove by, and I couldn't believe my eyes. It was a wonderful little bungalow located in the middle of one of the most affluent neighborhoods in Jackson. When we saw the house the next day, I knew the house was a real find. When I looked into the backyard, there was a large tree with a large low-hanging branch that was perfect for JT's swing. I began to cry and knew that God had provided us with this house. The man explained that he was a retired architect and had built this house for his daughter. She had moved away, but didn't want to get rid of the house. The previous tenants had just moved out, and he wanted to do some work on the house before we moved in. We explained my circumstances, so he allowed us to go ahead and move in the next day.
The next issue we had to face was how was I going to move without any help? I called a good friend who was a realtor and asked if she knew anyone I might hire to help me. She said that her housekeeper's boyfriend was standing right beside her and she would check with him. He agreed to come and to get a friend to help him. The next morning, this big guy with a big grin rang my doorbell. He said he had not been able to find a helper, but that we would get through it. I'm sure she had shared with him what was going on in my life, but he just hugged me and said "We'll just take this slow and easy. With God's help we'll get it done". To this day, I know God gave me the strength to move heavy antique furniture from my two story apartment with this kind man. He was truly just one of the many angels God sent to help me in those few days. The house turned out to be a perfect little spot for us. The children had lots of room to play and we were blessed with kind and loving neighbors that helped us out, and loved us.
We have no control over the people, places, things and circumstances we encounter on this earth. We can only control the manner in which we respond to them. Such is the basis for the Serenity Prayer - "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." My grandfather had an old cross-stitched sampler which hung in his kitchen. It bore a similar sentiment. "For every evil under the sun, there be a remedy or there be none. If there be one, find it. If there be none, never mind it."
I spent a great deal of my life trying to control my life. I couldn't see that the more I controlled, the more chaos was created. It took me forty years to learn to let God bear my burdens for me. I realize now, in looking back, that He had tried to carry them for me, for a long time - but I refused to surrender them to Him. He used one season in my life to begin to teach me this lesson in preparation for a devastating time to come.
My oldest son was born six weeks premature. My pregnancy was considered high-risk because I was 38 years old, but I had a very normal pregnancy until my water broke at 29 weeks. It was December 26th, 2004. Ole Miss was playing in a bowl game, and we had gone over to some friends' house to watch the game. I remember commenting that I was having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions, but didn't think much of it. Later that night I woke and discovered that my water had broken. The hospital was 45 minutes away, so I called in to the doctor on call. Because of the timing, he thought I was having bladder spasms and told me to go back to bed. I'd never had a baby before, so I took his word for it. The "bladder spasms" continued through the weekend, so I called my regular doctor first thing Monday morning. His nurse wasted no time in telling me to come in. She explained that the doctor on call was probably right, but that she felt sure my doctor would want to see me just in case. I drove myself because I felt sure I would be right back home. Boy, was I wrong. The doctor examined me and sent me straight to the hospital. I knew this was not good news. I called my husband, and called my mother, but I don't think I even thought to pray. I had asked Joey to bring me whatever I would need to stay in the hospital. He must have been pretty freaked out and just went into my closet and grabbed whatever was in the front, because he brought my fur coat, one of my business suits, and what very clearly was one of his mother's bras that had somehow gotten mixed up in my laundry. Now, one thing is for sure. Anyone who has ever seen me, and has ever seen Joey's mom would have no trouble distinguishing between the two braziers. He did not, however, bring a night gown, robe, toothbrush, brush, etc. The next few hours were a whirlwind of doctors preparing us for what the circumstances might be if I delivered the baby that day. Suffice it to say, that although they were trying to put the most positive face on the situation, it was clear that this was certainly not the delivery any of us hoped for. I still do not remember praying at this point, but I know that there are many who were. On New Year's Eve it was determined that delivery was not eminent so I was moved out of intensive care, and into a regular room - where I stayed off and on for the next four weeks. Joey left in early January to serve in the Mississippi House of Representatives. Our marriage was strained at best at this point, and more often than not, I didn't even see him on the weekends. Somewhere in the course of these four weeks, I did begin to pray. I think it actually was a result of others contacting me to say they were praying for me. I thought if they were praying, I probably should too. I remember my doctor commenting once that he knew there were lots of people praying for me because he could find no medical explanation for why I had not gone into labor. I remember thinking that this was the first time in my life that I realized prayer was working. JT was born on January 29, 2003. He weighed 4 lbs and 15 ounces, which was preety big in the NICU. They did place him on oxygen, but assured us that this was just a precaution. This was a Tuesday. On Wednesday morning, I encouraged Joey to go ahead and go back to Jackson. I knew he was anxious to pass around pictures of his newborn son, and the doctors had already told us we wouldn't go home until the weekend anyway. Joey left Wednesday morning. That evening, the doctor came in to tell me that JT had crashed and had been placed on a respirator. He assured me that the hospital had everything they needed and that the baby would be fine. Over the next few weeks, JT's lungs continued to deteriorate. They were just not fully developed and were not able to work overtime to keep him breathing. Although I was discharged, I was able to stay at the hospital in a room provided for parents with babies in the NICU. It was during this time, that I became very in touch with my own prayer life. As I would stand by his crib in the NICU, I felt completely powerless. This was certainly one situation over which I had absolutely no control. I had confidence in the doctors and nurses that were treating JT, but I knew there was absolutely nothing I could do for him. This was something I couldn't fix. I would stand by his crib and sing lullabies to him and pray. JT's condition continued to worsen. Ultimately, they tried a new treatment for him that worked. He turned the corner and began to get better. It was only a matter of days before they discharged us. Joey continued to serve in the legislature during the entire time that JT was in the hospital. My focus was so wrapped up in the baby, that I really didn't have the time or the energy to think about what was going on in Joey's life. I would later learn that this time for him was marked with destructive behavior - drinking binges etc. Most of the time when I expected him to come to the hospital on Friday, he didn't come. There was always an excuse that he didn't feel well and didn't want to expose me or the baby, etc. He later told me he couldn't take watching him and not being able to do anything for him. The day before a NICU baby is discharged, the parents are required to "sleep in" at the hospital with the baby in the room. I was ecstatic and couldn't wait to call Joey in Jackson to tell him. The next day would be Valentine's Day, and I couldn't imagine a better way to spend it than by celebrating that our son was being released from the hospital. The doctors did ask that we stay close, so my mother agreed to let JT and I stay with her while Joey was still in Jackson. Although he sounded very excited at the news, Joey never showed up to bring our son home. I had no car at the hospital since I expected to ride home with him. I had to call my sister and sister-in-law to come and bring us home. Looking back on this time now, I realize that although I was concerned, I never believed we would lose him. I just didn't. I know now that this was God fulfilling one of his promises to us. He promises in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
I spent a great deal of my life trying to control my life. I couldn't see that the more I controlled, the more chaos was created. It took me forty years to learn to let God bear my burdens for me. I realize now, in looking back, that He had tried to carry them for me, for a long time - but I refused to surrender them to Him. He used one season in my life to begin to teach me this lesson in preparation for a devastating time to come.
My oldest son was born six weeks premature. My pregnancy was considered high-risk because I was 38 years old, but I had a very normal pregnancy until my water broke at 29 weeks. It was December 26th, 2004. Ole Miss was playing in a bowl game, and we had gone over to some friends' house to watch the game. I remember commenting that I was having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions, but didn't think much of it. Later that night I woke and discovered that my water had broken. The hospital was 45 minutes away, so I called in to the doctor on call. Because of the timing, he thought I was having bladder spasms and told me to go back to bed. I'd never had a baby before, so I took his word for it. The "bladder spasms" continued through the weekend, so I called my regular doctor first thing Monday morning. His nurse wasted no time in telling me to come in. She explained that the doctor on call was probably right, but that she felt sure my doctor would want to see me just in case. I drove myself because I felt sure I would be right back home. Boy, was I wrong. The doctor examined me and sent me straight to the hospital. I knew this was not good news. I called my husband, and called my mother, but I don't think I even thought to pray. I had asked Joey to bring me whatever I would need to stay in the hospital. He must have been pretty freaked out and just went into my closet and grabbed whatever was in the front, because he brought my fur coat, one of my business suits, and what very clearly was one of his mother's bras that had somehow gotten mixed up in my laundry. Now, one thing is for sure. Anyone who has ever seen me, and has ever seen Joey's mom would have no trouble distinguishing between the two braziers. He did not, however, bring a night gown, robe, toothbrush, brush, etc. The next few hours were a whirlwind of doctors preparing us for what the circumstances might be if I delivered the baby that day. Suffice it to say, that although they were trying to put the most positive face on the situation, it was clear that this was certainly not the delivery any of us hoped for. I still do not remember praying at this point, but I know that there are many who were. On New Year's Eve it was determined that delivery was not eminent so I was moved out of intensive care, and into a regular room - where I stayed off and on for the next four weeks. Joey left in early January to serve in the Mississippi House of Representatives. Our marriage was strained at best at this point, and more often than not, I didn't even see him on the weekends. Somewhere in the course of these four weeks, I did begin to pray. I think it actually was a result of others contacting me to say they were praying for me. I thought if they were praying, I probably should too. I remember my doctor commenting once that he knew there were lots of people praying for me because he could find no medical explanation for why I had not gone into labor. I remember thinking that this was the first time in my life that I realized prayer was working. JT was born on January 29, 2003. He weighed 4 lbs and 15 ounces, which was preety big in the NICU. They did place him on oxygen, but assured us that this was just a precaution. This was a Tuesday. On Wednesday morning, I encouraged Joey to go ahead and go back to Jackson. I knew he was anxious to pass around pictures of his newborn son, and the doctors had already told us we wouldn't go home until the weekend anyway. Joey left Wednesday morning. That evening, the doctor came in to tell me that JT had crashed and had been placed on a respirator. He assured me that the hospital had everything they needed and that the baby would be fine. Over the next few weeks, JT's lungs continued to deteriorate. They were just not fully developed and were not able to work overtime to keep him breathing. Although I was discharged, I was able to stay at the hospital in a room provided for parents with babies in the NICU. It was during this time, that I became very in touch with my own prayer life. As I would stand by his crib in the NICU, I felt completely powerless. This was certainly one situation over which I had absolutely no control. I had confidence in the doctors and nurses that were treating JT, but I knew there was absolutely nothing I could do for him. This was something I couldn't fix. I would stand by his crib and sing lullabies to him and pray. JT's condition continued to worsen. Ultimately, they tried a new treatment for him that worked. He turned the corner and began to get better. It was only a matter of days before they discharged us. Joey continued to serve in the legislature during the entire time that JT was in the hospital. My focus was so wrapped up in the baby, that I really didn't have the time or the energy to think about what was going on in Joey's life. I would later learn that this time for him was marked with destructive behavior - drinking binges etc. Most of the time when I expected him to come to the hospital on Friday, he didn't come. There was always an excuse that he didn't feel well and didn't want to expose me or the baby, etc. He later told me he couldn't take watching him and not being able to do anything for him. The day before a NICU baby is discharged, the parents are required to "sleep in" at the hospital with the baby in the room. I was ecstatic and couldn't wait to call Joey in Jackson to tell him. The next day would be Valentine's Day, and I couldn't imagine a better way to spend it than by celebrating that our son was being released from the hospital. The doctors did ask that we stay close, so my mother agreed to let JT and I stay with her while Joey was still in Jackson. Although he sounded very excited at the news, Joey never showed up to bring our son home. I had no car at the hospital since I expected to ride home with him. I had to call my sister and sister-in-law to come and bring us home. Looking back on this time now, I realize that although I was concerned, I never believed we would lose him. I just didn't. I know now that this was God fulfilling one of his promises to us. He promises in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
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